Rock Paper Suburbs

It’s something I hear often from other parents.  “I wish my church had a group like this.”  I’ve received emails and phone calls from friends and strangers alike asking for guidance on this subject.  People are always surprised to hear that a church has a Young Parents’ Group because, despite the fact that there are SO many of us parents out there, it’s a ministry opportunity that often gets overlooked. 

Maybe you’re someone with a magnetic, outgoing personality who naturally attracts people to yourself and so you might be thinking, “Why would I need to create a formal group?”  Good for you!  I am not one of those people.  Hence I’m sitting at my kitchen table writing a “how to” article.  If you still want to get started and you’re creative with words, you can probably come up with a fun, catchy name for your parent crew.  But since this here economics major was the instigator at my church, Jesus peeps got stuck with the very exciting name “Young Parents’ Group.” 

So what’s the motivation for digging in, investing your time, and laying the groundwork for a Young Parents’ Group?  If you’re anything like me, you may be seeking out friendships with people who are in those early years of raising a family.  Those years when your little ones are too young for elementary school, but you feel that you are very much a parent, someone who’s on call at every moment of every day.  You’re probably immersed in keeping track of milestones, trying to get some sleep, and learning all the aspects of baby and toddler life that sound small to the outside observer, but seem so very big to you and your little family. 

Are you interested in starting a group for young parents, or perhaps just curious to hear about how our group has been blessed for the last 10 years?  Let me give you the rundown on the steps to get started, the ways we engage our families, and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

It all started with a simple question.  It was the first question I asked myself when I moved to the suburbs and became a new mom.

How can I make friends? 

My husband and I welcomed our first baby, “Tiny Dancer,” two and a half weeks after moving into our new home, and in my postpartum new-mommyness, I longed to feel connected to the community where I was living.  At that point, I didn’t know a soul beyond my aunt and uncle’s family who lived in a nearby town.  Being at home with a newborn all day was very sweet, but in the absence of co-workers and school, I didn’t know anyone in my neighborhood, my church, or my town – and if you know Pennsylvania, you’ll know that I don’t really live in a town – it’s a township, and I have two possible mailing addresses, neither of which is the name of my township.

The first place we turned for some fellowship in this very nice, very confusing Pennsylvania suburb was a local Young Adults Group that we saw advertised at the church we had recently joined.  On a weeknight post-dinner, we walked into a local bar with Tiny Dancer at our side, sleeping sweetly in her car seat.  We entered a side room containing rows of long tables set up in a square shape, tabletops adorned with amber-colored beers, surrounded by a cluster of people in their 20s and 30s chatting and catching up.  They were nice, they were mostly single, and they were all childless.  Everyone was very pleasant, and the leader of the group was very welcoming, but after attending a couple meetings, somehow sitting in a bar listening to a talk on theology accompanied by a nursing infant just seemed…too hard.  Someone offered that it might help for the group to arrange baby-sitting, but leaving our tiny nursing baby with a stranger in a restaurant, and during bedtime at that, just didn’t feel right.  Not only was I too old for youth group, I was now too old for a group that had the word “adults” in the title.  I was officially in a new phase of life.  

I quickly realized that if I was going to find the kind of ministry for young parents that I was looking for, I’d have to start one myself (yes, I am really that cool).  Specifically, a group where the needs of both parents and kids could be met.  One that included any parent in our church who wanted to be a part of it.  And so I set out to form the Young Parents’ Group, with some very specific parameters in mind.

1. This was a group for fellowship. It was not going to have required meeting times or dues.  I did not want lack of time or financial resources to hold anyone back from joining!  In addition, there was no pressure to participate in any activities that didn’t suit that family’s schedule.  Parents could pick and choose how involved they wanted to get.  With a focus on fellowship for the whole family and not just the kids, we could plan some activities that were family-centric and some that were geared towards the grown-ups.

2. This was a group for both moms and dads.  If you know me personally, you know that I’m not someone who would say I’m in a “Mommies Group.”  I never get too sugary sweet.  My real point is that we’ve had a wonderful mix of dedicated moms and dads who have participated over the years, and I love running into them years later when their kids are in middle school or even high school so I can hear how their families are doing!

3. This was a group for both working and stay-at-home parents.  This took some explaining on my part, because I would at times have people tell me they couldn’t join because “I work.”  There was an old stereotype that existed that anything for little kids had to be a playgroup during the week, right in the middle of most people’s workdays.  While a daytime playgroup was certainly one activity we could plan, I was determined that we would have ways for everyone to be involved, which meant having evening and weekend events, and ways for parents to get involved at home on their own time. 

So how do you take the first steps to getting a group for young parents off the ground?  Here are my recommendations on how to get started. 

1. Speak about the idea to your pastor, or the person in your church who has the authority to give you the green light.  You will probably need to have a specific mission statement for the group, a plan for the kinds of activities you will pursue, and an idea of who would participate.  If you are new to your church and don’t know anyone, trying talking to people on Sundays to gauge interest before you dive into planning. 

2. Have a plan for when and where you will start meeting.  Although you may have grand ambitions, and you know for sure that you will have the most awesome and fruitful ministry ever, it’s best to start with what you know you can handle.  Plan, let’s say, two initial get-togethers, such as one playgroup and one weekend potluck.  Reserve a space and plan a specific date and time.  We started off just meeting at my house.  

3. Spread the word.  We advertised in the bulletin, had a page for our group added to the church website, and if your pastor is willing, you could ask for an announcement to be made on Sundays to drum up interest.  I also did the traditional churchy thing and walked up to people with little kids to introduce myself.  Since I’m Catholic, this slightly terrified more than a few people.  And since our church baptizes babies, my husband and I spent time attending Pre-Jordan classes.  We would simply show up at the beginning of each class, introduce ourselves, and hand out a flyer with information about our group.  We did end up hearing from quite a few people this way. 

5. Temper your expectations and be prepared for some rejection.  In the early days of planning the Young Parents’ Group, I thought, “If we’re friendly and extend the invitation, people will come!”  I didn’t realize that a certain percentage of people simply weren’t going to be interested, no matter how many events we had planned.  Sometimes I would meet a family who seemed really nice, and then I’d never hear from them again.  It felt personal.  Over time, I learned to have more boundaries for my own time and how much effort I could invest.  Other times, women would tell me, “I’m in the other mom’s group in town.  I like the other one better.”  I learned to have boundaries for my feelings as well as my time, and accepted that our group wasn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea.  Even if one person got something out of it, I believed we had made a difference. 

6. Make sure you don’t get burned out.  I can’t take credit for this one – my pastor gave me this very wise advice, and it’s proven to be the key to our ministry lasting more than a decade!  He advised me not to take on too much too quickly, and to start off with a couple core activities that I knew I could handle organizing.  This also means, again, drawing boundaries and not overlapping too much with other ministries.  If your Ladies Group, for example, handles the annual Easter egg hunt, let them.  Know what your group can manage, and avoid situations where too many expectations are imposed on your members.

So what kinds of activities is a Young Parents’ Group engaged in?

The scope and purpose of the group is of course entirely up to you, and you can decide if you want the group to be more service oriented or more fellowship oriented, or a mix of the two.  Over the last decade we have done many different kinds of activities and the needs of the group have changed as the average age of our children shifts, but here are some of the spiritual and social activities we’ve pursued.

Weekend potluck dinners

Picnics at the park 

Prayer group for moms

Prayer group for couples over Zoom

Daytime playgroup

Making food for a shelter, or collecting canned goods for the food pantry

Collecting baby items for moms in need

Christmas party

All Saints Day party

Mom’s Night at a restaurant or someone’s home

Dad’s Night at a restaurant or over a bonfire

Cookie exchange

Field trips to the trampoline park, museums, and pumpkin patch

Apple picking

Prayer ministry for people who are expecting a baby or hoping to adopt (some churches already have a dedicated Elizabeth Ministry) 

Prayer ministry for newly baptized children, where the children get someone assigned to pray for them by name

Needless to say, every church and denomination are different, so some of these activities may not be relevant to your specific worship community, but I hope the main takeaway is that there are so many opportunities to engage families with little ones! 

This past weekend I mentioned to my mom that I had a playgroup to attend Monday morning.  Surprised, she asked, “What playgroup is that?”  I told her, “The same one I’ve been part of for 10 years!”  Okay I admit, many people aren’t growing their family continuously over a decade, but the point is that as our church families have grown, the Young Parents’ Group has been there to grow with them.  It’s been a wonderful way to meet sweet people and sweet kiddos, and it’s a blessing to watch these families grow up.

Do you have a group like this in your life?  I’d love to hear about your experience!  Please leave your comments and share your ideas!