6 Life Lessons from America’s Most Iconic Doll
By Danni Koko
Everyone’s talking about Barbie right now. It’s like as a culture, we had kind of forgotten about her for a while, moving on to more modern forms of entertainment, and in our house as of late, Barbie had actually been sent to the basement in a plastic bin, lying helplessly in a pile of neon colored clothing.
Frida asked to play with Barbie this week, so I carried the giant bin up the stairs for her, and she proceeded to unfold the many vividly colored homes that Barbie inhabits. There’s the multi-story mansion with the elevator, the camper with the pool, the beach bungalow with the cool swing. These houses have everything from toilets to tea kettles, all designed in Barbie’s signature pink plastic.
Carrying our bin of Barbie toys up from the basement felt symbolic of the new movie that’s taken the cinema-going world by storm. It’s like Barbie was relegated to the basement of toy world for a while, maybe because she seemed old-fashioned and outdated, or maybe we just outgrew her. Then we brought her back, hoping to give her another chance.
It’s like Barbie was relegated to the basement of toy world for a while, maybe because she seemed old-fashioned and outdated, or maybe we just outgrew her. Then we brought her back, hoping to give her another chance.
There’s a lot of buzz around the Barbie movie, but peering through the candy-colored excitement, I was surprised by the casting of the lead actors (more on that below). Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling not only look like Stereotypical Barbie and Ken, they look like Stereotypical Hollywood. I know the movie has other Barbies and Kens, but it’s the blonde-haired stars of the movie who are showing up in every picture of every promotion, news story and review. They’re the ones we’re being sold on, even if we don’t see the movie. I feel like I’ve stepped back into the Barbie world I grew up in nearly 40 years ago.
If I made this movie, I would feel self-conscious, no matter how well executed it may be. No wonder there’s been an eagerness to market it as a feminist movie. At least, Director Greta Gerwig says it is. Head of Mattel Films, Robbie Brenner, is saying safely that it’s for everyone. While it’s to be expected that the narrative would have to be updated for a toy that was originally marketed in the 1950s, I’m hearing that some people felt the messaging went too far. Others are lauding the movie as inspirational, encompassing everything they’ve been thinking and feeling about their own lives.
While I’m skeptical that a two-hour movie will change my life, I’m finding humor in the idea that we’ve discovered a new Barbie. I mean, Barbie and I go way back.
Maybe some people have forgotten, but let’s take a moment to remember that we all grew up with Barbie. It’s not like we don’t know her. The movie may provide a narrative that’s more relevant for 2023, but that’s like the new kid in school who’s known your best friend for two hours telling you what your best friend is like. You know who she really is. You know the fun side, the annoying side, the strengths and the flaws. You know if that’s her natural hair color or if she secretly dyes it.
Maybe some people have forgotten, but let’s take a moment to remember that we all grew up with Barbie… You know if that’s her natural hair color or if she secretly dyes it.
So let’s be candid. Setting any controversy aside, Barbie can get away with a lot because she’s not real, and we can pretend she’s anything we want her to be. Sitting on the dark brown carpet of my family’s split level family room, configuring Barbie’s stiff body into the only two positions I could manage (sitting awkwardly leaning to one side, or lying down), this iconic plastic doll gave me a dose of reality and actually taught me more than a few things in my young childhood. In the process of growing up and learning what I liked and what I didn’t like, I garnered many a life lesson courtesy of Barbie.
1. I didn’t need to take my clothes off.
Despite her glamorous reputation, in most of our homes, Barbie was a hot mess.
Like many kiddos in America who played with Barbie growing up, I had the excitement of opening up the box and enjoying her hair being neatly arranged for about nine seconds. After that, she never returned to her original condition, and we all accepted her descent into frumpiness. Her hair was always matted, and no amount of combing could return it to its original sheen. Perhaps she had dyed it one too many times. Her clothes fit awkwardly, her shoes certainly didn’t go on nicely over her excessively arched feet, and she sometimes lost her limbs. After a while, it became too hard to put her clothes back on because they were tight and ill-fitting, and we couldn’t remember which outfit went on which Barbie doll, so she mostly laid around naked.
Despite her glamorous reputation, in most of our homes, Barbie was a hot mess.
Once everyone had seen Barbie with her clothes off, her allure was gone. It’s like she had lost her dignity, and I knew I did not want to end up like her, embarrassed and disheveled, wondering where my clothes had gone. She should have bought clothes that fit in the first place. While we’re at it, she should look after the health of her hair. I suppose losing her shoes was beyond her control because Barbie’s freakish feet set her up for failure from the moment she left the factory. To this day, I won’t wear shoes that don’t stay on my feet, no matter how cute they are, and the only highlights that have ever been in my hair are the ones naturally imparted by the sun.
2. I didn’t need to be a polygamist.
It always seemed like an odd arrangement for there to be one Ken among so many Barbies, but in pretty much every home, the ratio of Kens to Barbies was incredibly skewed. It always felt a little uncomfortable that Ken was so outnumbered, and I wonder if the different Barbies began to resent each other fighting over one man. Maybe the nationwide dearth of Kens was due to the simple fact that Ken really didn’t bring much to the table.
In pretty much every home, the ratio of Kens to Barbies was incredibly skewed. It always felt a little uncomfortable that Ken was so outnumbered, and I wonder if the different Barbies began to resent each other fighting over one man.
I can’t help but suspect that Ken was getting by pretty easy. While he was hanging around, every Barbie in his life seemed to have a professional job. I’ve seen her pilot’s uniform and her white doctor’s coat and her artist’s beret. I’ve never seen her actually go to work, but she’s sure got the wardrobe for it!
As I said, we had one Ken doll in my house growing up, and not only was Ken lacking in personality, he also lacked a head. At one point his blonde crown fell off, and my dad put a dowel in Ken’s neck to try to secure his head to his body. He couldn’t keep his head on straight, so finally we gave up and just let him run around decapitated. In the end, his lack of a noggin ended up serving him well since we played with him more once his head fell off, the reason being that we could let him drive our teal colored Barbie car and dramatically crash it into the wall, which is what happens when you try to drive without a head, obviously. He was pretty good for entertainment value at that point, and we were content with that arrangement because Barbie seemed cool with it. As for me, I knew I’d want someone in my life who had his head screwed on straight.
3. I didn’t need to have fake body parts.
Do you remember trying to dress Barbie? It was nearly impossible, and her ridiculously long limbs were an impediment to getting basically any garment back on her body. What’s more, her boobs didn’t move. They were like solid rock, and they were constantly in the way when you tried to put any shirt or dress on her otherwise narrow frame.
Tiny Dancer once received Construction Worker Barbie as a gift for her birthday. The doll looked glam in her reflective vest, white tee and skinny jeans. However, I doubted her attire would hold up in an industrial environment, and I wondered why Barbie’s clothes had to be so tight. I mean, the poor dear couldn’t even dress herself. From childhood, I thought Barbie looked so uncomfortable trying to squeeze into her pants and dresses. Why didn’t she just buy the next size up?
Three decades later, I still prefer a natural look. Plastic surgery and injections are not my thing, and I’m awfully grateful that I can stand on my own two feet.
From childhood, I thought Barbie looked so uncomfortable trying to squeeze into her pants and dresses. Why didn’t she just buy the next size up?
4. I didn’t need high maintenance stuff in my life.
Receiving a Barbie luau was incredibly exciting circa 1990, and I spent hours trying to set that sucker up. Setting up, after all, is the best part. I wanted that luau to look just like the box.
Unfortunately, nothing stood up on its own. There was a backdrop with palm trees that was especially maddening, and I resorted to holding it together with a roll of Scotch Tape to make it more stable.
Setting up, after all, is the best part.
I complained to my mom about the difficulties of setting up my Barbie beach, and she told me the cold hard truth: it was just never going to stand up that well. Barbie toys, she told me, are plastic and cheap.
From then on, I adjusted my expectations, not just for my toys but for my life. I’m really not into owning things that are a lot of work. I don’t need floors that scratch easily or real marble countertops or anything that I have to baby. I want to eat in my car, spill my coffee, and splatter tomato sauce with freedom. My belongings should work for me, not the other way around.
5. I didn’t need to be the same as everyone else.
My first Barbie was given to me by my parents, who had the tall order of finding a doll who looked like me, which wasn’t all that easy in the late 1980s when their options for finding a Chinese-French lookalike were limited to the shelves of the local stores. They ended up finding a doll with olive skin and dark hair, who I’m pretty sure was supposed to be South American, but it’s the closest thing they could find, and I thought she was great. Receiving my first Barbie doll felt like a rite of passage.
Receiving my first Barbie doll felt like a rite of passage.
My second Barbie was Nigerian Barbie, from Mattel’s 1989 Dolls of The World Collection. She was amazing and looked so dignified in her gold outfit!
Thereafter, every Barbie who came into our house had blonde hair and blue eyes. I have two sisters, and we acquired quite a few of the stereotypical Barbies.
So, our final tally was one racially ambiguous Barbie, one black Barbie, and a couple dozen blonde Barbies.
Now that I have kids of my own, it is much easier to find dolls of different ethnicities with a range of skin, hair, and eye colors, and if you’re a family of color, you thank goodness for that change.
So I was honestly surprised to learn that both Barbie and Ken would be blonde and fair skinned in the 2023 movie. It seemed old-fashioned. I grew up watching movies and cartoons featuring a white girl and a white guy, more often than not with blue eyes. People of color were usually the sidekicks, if they appeared at all. The knock-off brand characters, if you will. I wondered, would an Asian Barbie or a muscular Barbie have drawn such huge crowds to the theaters?
I was honestly surprised to learn that both Barbie and Ken would be blonde and fair skinned in the 2023 movie. It seemed old-fashioned.
Clearly, there was money to be made with this movie. I’m sure Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling were cast at least partially because they “looked” the part and could draw in big audiences.
When a black woman was cast in the live action version of The Little Mermaid, there was an outcry across the country. I thought it was a funny reaction for a movie about a mermaid – as if any of us are authorities on real mermaids. All I know is that when I’ve seen them at the aquarium, they have a variety of skin tones and hair colors, and they’re all gorgeous and athletic.
Mattel was probably not keen on sparking controversy, so they went with the safe option. Blonde. Blue-eyed. Thin. Yet I sensed defensiveness from the Hollywood people. Why, I had wondered, are we hearing about Margot Robbie paying off her mom’s mortgage? Clearly she’s been successful for many years, so why would this move be so publicity-worthy now?
Because we all know that, in order for Barbie to be wildly successful, it had to feature blonde hair and blue eyes and a thin build, and apparently that requires a moral defense of the actors bringing stereotypical Barbie and Ken to life. Predictably, it’s paid off. Did you see Margot Robbie on the cover of Vogue? She is basically becoming her own icon now. She’s what our culture expects an icon to look like. I can’t remember the last time there was so much buzz around one character or one actress, not even of the superhero variety.
Today my daughter asked me, “How come, even though there are lots of different Barbies, when people say Barbie they really mean the blonde Barbie?” Good question, Tiny Dancer. I had literally not spoken to her about this topic as it relates to Barbie, but she was coming to her own conclusions as a 10-year-old.
In our family, we’re teaching our kids that we don’t have to buy into commercialized ideas about beauty, particularly ones that have racial undertones. I always felt that my dark hair and almond-shaped eyes and olive skin were what made me unique, even if models and movie stars (and dolls) didn’t look like me, and I want my children to be confident and proud of who they are. I want them to know that their dark eyes are beautiful, and that a world where everyone looks the same would be terribly dull!
I want them to know that their dark eyes are beautiful, and that a world where everyone looks the same would be terribly dull!
6. I didn’t need to be overrun with possessions.
At its core, the Barbie doll was meant to make money. That’s why anyone would market a toy, right? Barbie, the movie, was created for the same reason. No one wants to make a film that will lose money.
Because the movie is about a doll who epitomizes the culture of materialism, it feels more ironic that we’re now supposed to hail Barbie as a moral icon. Greta Gerwig’s 2019 Little Women had a more modern twist than prior film versions, but Louisa May Alcott’s story, penned by an author who was known for being independent and disdainful of suitors, seemed the natural place to analyze the economic implications of marriage.
Barbie, on the other hand, was always meant to be fun, colorful, garish, even excessive. In the late ‘80s and early ‘90s we didn’t have as many toys to choose from, so Barbie was BIG. Barbie wore big clothing and had big hair and lived in a big house, for which parents were encouraged to spend big bucks to make their children’s dreams come true.
I remember pouring over the Christmas toy catalogues that were mailed to our house and falling in love with pages of Barbie merchandise, not least of all an enormous dream house with light streaming through the windows, perfectly placed in front of the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree. That Christmas, the enormous dream house did not appear under my own tree (my mom had warned me ahead of time that it wouldn’t), and I was okay with it. What that experience taught me, plain and simple, was that I could live without the dream house. I was happy with my other gifts that Christmas, and my five-year-old life thrived without a Barbie dream house in it.
What that experience taught me, plain and simple, was that I could live without the dream house.
It became apparent to me at some point that no matter how many cool accessories a new Barbie came with, they all ended up strewn together in a massive toy bin, if they didn’t end up lost or broken. Like I said before, Barbie was pretty much a mess the moment she came out from the behind the plastic window of her box, and she seemed to have trouble keeping track of her belongings. She usually looked like she was in the middle of a midlife crisis, and despite introducing herself by a cute nickname, “Barbie,” we all knew her name was really Barbara. I’d say she was really just as common as the rest of us, except unlike you and me, her makeup was part of her face.
And although it’s colorful, Barbie world can get pretty boring. I mean, once stereotypical Barbie’s clothes are off, she looks just like every other Barbie, and it’s impossible to tell her apart from anyone else. I would never wish to be so ordinary.
Want to read more? Follow me on social media:
One response to “Everything I Learned I Didn’t Need to Be, I Learned from Barbie”
Fantastic article! You have a way of putting into words points I’ve thought about but couldn’t quite articulate.